Sorry it's been a while...
Update about the service challenge: it is really interesting that the Sunday after I gave the challenge, I received the same challenge in church meetings! I don't remember any specific experiences I had with the challenge, but I did my best to serve everyone I could, to lighten their loads, to cheer them up. It was a good experience, and I am trying to continue it and to be as optimistic as possible. It has been super hard sometimes, but I am REALLY TRYING to put others needs before my own and to find ways to help others AND myself to be happy. How did the challenge go with you?
This week we have had a LOT of rain. Ahhhh....! I LOVE the rain. And besides, it is always fun when you are trying to do a service project out in the middle of a field when there are huge bolts of lighting flashing and thunder shaking the ground, don't you think? At least we finished the project before it started to rain. Oh, it was cold...but more than that, it was beautiful. I REALLY LOVE RAIN. A LOT.
Oh, I had another fun experience this week. I was driving along and the car ran out of gas. Thankfully I just passed through an intersection to a place where there was a good shoulder to the side of the road and I had just enough gas to pull the vehicle over there. Instead of being stressed that I was going to be late and instead of just being grumpy that I had run out of gas, I really tried to think of things to be grateful for. I'm glad I wasn't racing down a freeway in rush hour traffic and had to try to go across multiple lanes to pull over, and I'm glad that there was a gas station just around the corner. AND I'm thankful that I had my dad with me to go get the gas for me! :-)
Okay, lately I have been thinking about something that happened at Girls Camp. As you may have gathered, I am not necessarily the type of person who loves a lot of modern music or dances. I am usually really cautious about what I listen to. At one point some girls were putting together a "flash mob" for some of the girls to do. It was to a song about part of the Book of Mormon, when Nephi and his brothers are commanded by the Lord to go back after leaving Jerusalem, so that they can get a record of their family. The man that currently had it in his possession was a man that is high in power and generally would be known as a rather powerful, scary guy. Why would you want to go back? The record was important because it had scriptures contained in it as well as their genealogy and other precious words. But beyond that, the LORD HAD ASKED-no, He had COMMANDED that they go get them.
Nephi had three older brothers, their names were Laman and Lemuel and Sam; Laman and Lemuel DID NOT WANT TO GO. That was not their idea of a great vacation. And basically they said, "Who cares what the Lord says?" and they did not trust Him. But after some convincing they finally went back.
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| (Painting by Minerva Teichert) |
So, yeah, great story, right? Right. But, the song that everyone thought was cool and that they were dancing to was all about how Laman and Lemuel did not want to go. Yes, Nephi is heard in the song trying to help them want to go, but that was not even the part they had the girls dance to. It was a rebellious type of song to me because of their focus on just certain parts.
This flash mob was not something I felt comfortable with. You might think I am crazy or something, but that is the way I feel. Everyone else was standing there having a blast. I was uneasy. "But, it is a song about the scriptures! I will see how it goes. I will make someone feel bad if I walk away, or if I don't go. I don't know if I can explain how I feel to someone if they ask me why I don't go or I walk away. So, am I really feeling something important if I can't explain it? Is it just me being overly....something? I might not be friends with someone anymore. I will be an outcast. I will make people feel bad that they are there. I'm not doing those really suggestive moves some of the other girls are. If I don't do it, I am alright. Do I dance to other songs that are similar? Do I listen to songs that are similar? Why? What is the difference? How does it make me feel? I can just kind of stand here and watch. I won't be walking away and hurting anyone's feelings, but I won't be doing anything that makes me feel uncomfortable, right?" These were thoughts that went through my mind as I walked down to the rendezvous point and as the song began. I stood there, sometimes doing some of the moves, sometimes just watching. On top of my buzzing mind that wasn't seeming to get answers the sun was glaring onto my sunburns and making me feel worse.
"What are you going to do?" I asked myself. "Make your decision. One that you will not regret. One that will not make you sit and think later, 'that other choice would probably have been much better.' The best one. Is your decision going to have lasting effects? How are you going to be seen by yourself, by others, and most of all, by your Heavenly Father? Hurry up! You are running out of time! The song will be over before you know it."
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All of this was rushing through my head so quickly I hardly had time to process it.
Finally the thought came to me, " 'Have any doubts? Throw it out!' If I have to try to convince myself or the spirit that something is good or appropriate, it probably isn't! GET AWAY!" At this, I literally felt like someone physically pushed me away as hard as they could, and I stumbled ahead as I grasped my footing and gained speed, almost running away.
I came back to camp and sat down and talked with the adults for a while. I felt good, obviously, that I had left, but I felt almost ashamed that I had gone at all. Minutes later, the "party" was over. A friend passed by camp and saw me. "Hey! Why didn't you stick around for the practice?" She asked. "I didn't feel comfortable with it," I said. "It's just not me."
"Oh..." Was the reply.
I don't know if she ended up understanding me at all, but that is all right, because the most important relationship I will ever have is my relationship with the Lord.
And it's a lot better to be truly happy inside than to fit in.
One of my best book friends, is named "For the Strength of Youth." You may have met it before. ;-) In there it says,
"Music has a profound effect on your mind, spirit, and behavior. Choose carefully the music you listen to. Pay attention to how you feel when you are listening. Some music can carry evil and destructive messages...Do not listen to music that uses vulgar or offensive language or promotes evil practices. Such music can dull your spiritual sensitivity...Dancing can be fun and can provide an opportunity to meet new people. However, it too can be misused. When dancing avoid full body contact with your partner. Do not use positions or moves that are suggestive of sexual or violent behavior or are otherwise inappropriate. Attend only those dances where dress, grooming, lighting, lyrics, music, and entertainment contribute to a wholesome atmosphere where the Spirit may be present."
The Strength of Youth booklet is prophetically written. If we follow it's counsel we will receive spiritual peace and firmness among many other blessings. I have tested it and I know that it does happen. I have come to understand and recognize more fully my true divine identity.Elder Neil L. Andersen (of the Quorum of the 12 Apostles) said in April, "You need the strength that comes from trusting the Lord's prophets." I agree.
Just like Nephi trusted that if he did all he could to obey the Lord and listen to the Spirit, the Lord would help him, so it is with us; not necessarily in going back to Jerusalem to get a record from an evil guy, but with whatever it is that the Lord has asked us to do. He will strengthen us. "Keeping covenants protects us, prepares us, and empowers us."(-Rosemary M. Wixom)
And just like I was asking myself about how this choice would affect my life, "Our everyday decisions will impact our lives in significant ways. A seemingly small decision...can have far reaching, even eternal, consequences." (-Elder Kevin S. Hamilton, Oct. 2013)
Now, I am not saying that the song was a bad song. I am not saying that the moves were bad. I am saying that it was something that I would have been uncomfortable doing if I was performing for the Savior.
The next morning during flag ceremony and opening excersizes was the time to perform. (Almost) all the girls who had been invited went up when the music began and danced. I was not wishing that I was up there with my friends. I was not hanging my head in shame that I wasn't participating. It was over in about a minute.
Would that minute have been worth losing the Spirit?
